Right, back to the edits…
Q: What would you get if you crossed a locomotive with the author of Tom Sawyer?
A: A choo-choo Twain.
Q: What would you get if you crossed a comedian and an Edgar Allan Poe story?
A: The Wit and the Pendulum
Q: What happened when the bomb-sniffing dog wrote his autobiography?
A: It got on the best smeller list.
Q: What did they call Tom Sawyer’s friend after he lost a lot of weight?
A: “Huckleberry Thin.”
Q: What do young ghosts write their homework in?
A: Exorcise books.
Q: What sort of people make the best bookkeepers?
A: The people who borrow your books and never return them.
Q: What did one arithmetic book say to the other?
A: I’ve got a big problem.
Q: What is a flea’s favourite book ?
A: The itch-hikers guide to the galaxy!
My wife gave me a really cheap dictionary for my birthday.
I couldn’t find the words to thank her.
A novelist went to a psychiatrist and said anxiously, “Doc, I keep having the same dream, over and over. I wake up and I know the dream is a great idea for a best-selling novel, then I go back to sleep and, when I wake up the next morning, I can’t remember the plot! It’s driving me crazy!”
“When you go to bed at night,” the psychiatrist suggested, “leave a notepad and pencil on the bedside table. When you awake from the dream, with the memory of it fresh in your mind, write it down.”
That night, the writer placed a pad and pencil next to his bed. As usual, he had the dream again and woke up more convinced than ever that it was a terrific idea for a book. He snatched up the pencil, jotted a brief note, then, relieved, turned over and went back to sleep.
When the novelist awoke in the morning, he couldn’t remember a single thing about the dream, but he knew he’d followed the psychiatrist’s sage advice. Excited, he grabbed the notepad and read his note to himself:
“WRITE IT DOWN.”