As usual I have some funnies to get you in the mood for the weekend. Big shout out to Michelle again for sending me the first joke and lots of others on Twitter and to Fran for the second. (She sends me emails every week that make me guffaw.) And finally to Jacqueline Gum for the last. Keep ’em coming.
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000.00.
His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place.
It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would not have to testify in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer, “Ask him where’s the money?”
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido where’s the money?
Guido signs back, “I don’t know what you are talking about.”
The lawyer tells the Godfather, “He says he doesn’t know what you are talking about.”
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido’s temple and says, “Ask him again!”
The lawyer signs to Guido, “He’ll kill you if you don’t tell him.”
Guido signs back, “OK!! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno’s house.”
The Godfather asks the lawyer, “What did he say?”
The lawyer replies, “He says you don’t have the guts to pull the trigger.”
A grandmother was pushing her little grandchild around Walmart in a buggy. Each time she put something in the basket she would say, “And here’s something for you, Diploma,” or “This will make a cute little outfit for you, Diploma,” and so on.
Eventually a bewildered shopper who had heard all this finally asked, “Why do you keep calling your grandchild Diploma?”
The grandmother replied, “I sent my daughter to college and this is what she came home with!”
Four women meet up at a school reunion thirty years after they left school.
One heads straight to the buffet while the other three immediately start talking about how successful their sons have become.
The first boasts that her son studied economics, became a banker and now was so rich, he had just given his best friend a brand new Ferrari.
The second announces her son studied to be a pilot, started his own airline and was now so rich, he had recently given his best friend a jet.
The third can’t wait to tell the others that her son studied to be an engineer, started his own development company and was now so filthy rich, he had just had a castle constructed for his best friend.
The fourth lady wonders back with a plate full of food and seeing the excited looks on their faces asks what’s going on.
They tell her they were disuusing their sons and ask her about her own son.
She tells them her son is gay and he works in a gay bar.
The other three shake their heads and say she must be very disappointed with her son for not becoming successful.
“Oh no!!” replies the Lady, he is doing really well. “Last week on his birthday, he got a Ferrari, a jet and a castle from three of his boyfriends.”