I had intended writing a post before today but I got carried away editing the new book and have only just surfaced to see it is already Friday. Not only that, it’s Black Friday and Mr Grumpy is threatening to hide my dongle in case I go online shopping.
He’s also hidden the car keys and my purse!
In my bid to help you save money, here are a few jokes to distract you from trawling the net for bargains:
George went to visit his elderly cousin Darrel and while eating the breakfast of eggs and bacon prepared for him, he noticed a film-like substance on his plate. So he says, “Cus, are these plates clean?” Darrel replies, “Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them.”
That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers Darrel made for lunch, he noticed many little black specks around the edge of his plate so again he asked, “Are you sure these plates are clean?” Without looking up from his burger Darrel says, “I told you those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them.”
Later that day, they were on their way out to get dinner. As George was leaving the house, Darrel”s dog who was lying on the floor started to growl and would not let him pass. ” Darrel, your dog won”t let me out.” Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching, Darrel shouted, “Coldwater, get out of the way!”
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in the bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
“Why of course,” comes the reply.
The first man then asks, “Where are you from?”
“I’m from Ireland,” replies the second man.
The first man responds, “You don’t say. I’m from Ireland too! Let’s have another round to Ireland.”
“Of course,” replies the second man, and they both pour back their drinks.
Curious, the first man then asks, “Where in Ireland are you from?”
“Dublin,” comes the reply.
“I can’t believe it says the first man. “I’m from Dublin too!
Let’s have another drink to Dublin!” The men both continue drinking.
Curiosity strikes again and the first man asks, “What school did you go to?”
St. Mary’s,” replied the second man. “I graduated in ’62.”
“This is unbelievable,” the first man says. “I went to St. Mary’s and I graduated in ’62, too!”
About that time, in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. “What’s been going on?” he asks the bartender.
“Nothing much,” replies the bartender. “The O’Mally twins are getting drunk again.”
A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt . Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Rocher.
A lawyer’s dog, running about unleashed, beelines for the local butcher shop and steals a roast off the counter.
The butcher goes to the lawyer’s office and asks, “if a dog, running unleashed, steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog’s owner?” “Absolutely,” the lawyer responded.
The butcher immediately shot back, “Good! You owe me $7.99 for the roast your dog stole from me this morning.”
The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $7.99. A few days later, the butcher, browsing through his mail, finds an envelope from the lawyer.
The contents read “Consultation: $25.00.”