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halloweenFeel Good Friday is dedicated to Halloween this week.

Grumpy plans on turning off all our house lights and pretending we’re not in. That way, he gets to eat all the chocolate I got for any little visitors.

 

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Annie.

Annie who?

Annie body home?

*

A  giant vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh red blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get  a good nights sleep. Pretty soon all the other vampire bats smelled the sweet blood that covered the giant vampire bat and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.

“OK, follow me” he said and flew out of the cave with thousands of flying vampire bats behind him. Down through the valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other vampire bats excitedly milled around him.

“Now, do you see that tree over there?” he asked.

“Yes, Yes, Yes!” the vampire bats all screamed in a frenzy.

“Good” said the giant vampire bat, “Because I flipping well didn’t.”

*

Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly one said to the other, “A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?” The other monster replied, “Be a gentleman and roll them back to her.”

*

Two holy nuns, big Sister Mary Agnes and small Sister Mary Vincent, are traveling through eastern Europe in their car, bring the word of God to Transylvania. As they were stopped at a traffic light, out of nowhere, a small vampire jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses at them through the windshield.

“Quick, quick!” shouts big Sister Mary Agnes, “What should we do?”

“Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination,” says small Sister Mary Vincent. Big Sister Mary Agnes switches on the wipers, which knock the mini-Dracula around. But, the little vampire hangs on and continues hissing at the two nuns. “What shall I do now?” shouts big Sister Mary Agnes.

“Try the windshield washer. I filled it with holy water before we left the Vatican,” replies small Sister Mary Vincent.

Sister Mary Agnes turns on the windshield washer. The vampire screams as the water burns his skin, but he hangs on and continues hissing at the nuns.

“Now what?” shouts big Sister Mary Agnes.

“Show him your cross,” says small Sister Mary Vincent.

“Now you’re talking,” says big Sister Mary Agnes. She then puts down her window and shouts, “Get the hell off our car you blood sucking oaf!”

*

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.

One broom was, of course, the bride-broom, the other the groom-broom.

The bride-broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom-broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely.

After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and whispered to the groom-broom, “I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!”

“Impossible!” said the groom broom. “We haven’t even swept together.”

*

And a few for the children:

Q: Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?

A: Because demons are a ghouls best friend!

Q: What’s a monster’s favorite bean?

A: A human bean.

Q: What do you call two witches living together?

A: Broommates.

Q: Where do baby ghosts go during the day?

A: Dayscare centers

Q: What do ghosts eat for dinner?

A: Spookgetti

Q: What do you call a ghosts mom and dad?

A: Transparents

Q: What’s a Vampire’s least favorite song?

A: Another one bites the dust!

Q: What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?

A: A necktarine

*

Have a good weekend!

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