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animated-light-bulb-image-0022With the nights now drawing in, I thought I’d theme this week’s jokes accordingly. Hope they provide a few chuckles:

Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight. Blue sky at night: day.

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Did you hear about the night-owl who installed a skylight so he could watch the stars?
The people in the room above were furious.

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Did you hear about the fool who sat up all night wondering where the sun had gone?
The next morning it dawned on him.

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Did you hear about the man who drove his car into the lake one night?
He was trying to dip his headlights.

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I used to be able to pull all-nighters but now I can barely pull all-dayers.

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A woman takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work.

One day, her 9-year-old son happens to be in the closet during one of her romps. Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she hides the lover in the closet.

The little boy says, “It’s dark in here.”
The man whispers, “Yes, it is.”
Boy – “I have a baseball.”
Man – “That’s nice.”
Boy – “Want to buy it?”
Man – “No, thanks.”
Boy – “My dad’s outside.”
Man – “OK, how much?”
Boy – “$250.”

A few weeks later, the same thing happens and the boy and the mom’s lover end up in the closet together.

Boy – “It’s dark in here.”
Man – “Yes, it is.”
Boy – “I have a baseball glove.”
Man – Remembering last time, asks, “How much?”
Boy – “$750.”
Man – “Fine.”

A few days after that, the father says to the boy, “Grab your ball and glove. Let’s go outside and toss the baseball.”

The boy says, “I can’t. I sold them.”

The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?”

The son says “$1,000.”

The father says, “It’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That’s way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.”

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, “It’s dark in here.”
The priest says, “Don’t start that c*@^! again!”

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How many stock brokers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it’s already burned out).

How many civil-servants does it take to change a lightbulb?
One to spot the burned-out bulb, his supervisor to authorize a requisition, a requisition typist, three clerks to file requisition copies, a mail clerk to deliver the requisition to the perchasing department, a purchasing agent to order the bulb, a clerk to forward the purchasing order, a receiving clerk to….

How many magicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Depends on what you want to change it into.

How many poets does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three. One to curse the darkness, one to light a candle … and one to change the bulb.

How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored bicycles.

How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one. They don’t like to share the spotlight.

How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but it takes six visits.

How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. It turned itself in.

How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
I’ll have an estimate for you a week from Monday.

How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.

How many Internet mail list members does it take to change a light bulb?
1,331:

One to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed.
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
Seven to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.
53 to flame the spell checkers.
156 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list.
41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.
109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb.
203 to demand that cross-posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling, and alt.punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped.
111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts **are** relevant to this mail list.
306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty.
27 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs.
14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs.
Three to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this list, which makes light bulbs relevant to this list.
33 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote them, including all headers and footers, and then add “Me Too.”
12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.
19 to quote the “Me Too’s” to say, “Me Three.”
Four to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.
One to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup.
47 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion was meant for, leave it here.
143 votes for alt.light.bulb

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Have a good weekend!

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