Tags

, , , , ,

20150726_125125Today’s Feel Good Friday is a bumper collection to celebrate the summer holidays. (Having spent last weekend in Iceland, I added a few that were relevant to that trip too.)

Facing 50 With Humour is also taking a break but will be back in the autumn (Fall) with more stories, jokes and help for us folk who are no longer young but still feel and act youthfully.

In the meantime…keep smiling because laughter truly is the best medicine:

An ardent traveler named Julie spent most of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a swimsuit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She’d hardly started when she heard someone running up the stairs; Juiie was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.

“Excuse me, miss,” said the flustered hotel manager, out of breath from dashing up the stairs. “The hotel doesn’t mind you sunbathing on the roof but we would very much appreciate you wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday.”

“What difference does it make,” Juie asked calmly. “No one can see me up here, and besides, I’m covered with a towel.”

“Not exactly,” said the manager. “You’re lying on the dining room skylight.”

*

What did the bread do on vacation?

It loafed around.

*

Where do goldfish go on vacation?

Around the globe.

*

Where do sheep go on vacation?

The Baa-hamas.

*

Two English tourists were driving through Wales. As they were approaching one particular town, they started arguing about the pronunciation of its name – 11 consonants with no vowels, in typical Welsh fashion. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one of the tourists asked the employee who was taking their order, “Could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are… very slowly?” The girl then leaned over the counter and said carefully and deliberately, “Kennnnn …. tuuuu … cky …. fried … chiiiii … cken.”

*

Some people were enjoying a cruise along a fairly well-trodden route in the south Pacific. One sunny morning they passed by a small island, and several people on deck noticed a man with a beard standing on the shore. He was yelling, waving and jumping up and down. “Have you any idea who that is?” asked one passenger of a passing steward. “Haven’t the faintest,” replied the steward. “But each time we cruise past here he goes absolutely berserk.”

*

A British tourist was fishing off the East African coast and managed to capsize his boat. Although he could have swum to shore, he chose to cling to the upturned boat for fear of crocodiles. After a while he saw an elderly man on the beach and shouted out to him, “Are there any crocodiles in these waters?”

“No,” the old man shouted back . “Haven’t seen any in several years.”

Much relieved, the tourist decided to swim to shore and when he was mid-way between the boat and the beach, shouted out to the old man again.

“How did you manage to get rid of the crocodiles?”

“Oh, we didn’t have to do anything,” replied the old man. “The sharks got them all.”

*

What do whales eat? Fish and ships.

What do whales like to chew? Blubber gum.

Where are whales weighed? At a whale weigh station

Did you hear about the flying whale? Actually its a whale of a story.

What do you call a baby whale? A little squirt.

What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale? A submarine with a built-in snorkel.

How is a dog and a marine biologist alike? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.

Why did the whale cross the road? To get to the other tide.

*

Advertisements