A taxi passenger taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screams, loses control of the car, nearly hits a bus, goes up on the footpath, and stops centimeters from a shop window. For a second, everything goes quiet in the cab, then the driver says, “Look mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!”
The passenger apologizes and says, “I didn’t realize that a little tap would scare you so much.”
The driver replies, “Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I’ve been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years.”
Two cows were talking in the field. One cow says, “Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that’s going around?”
The other cow answers, “Yeah, makes you glad you’re a penguin, doesn’t it?”
A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.
“Quick,” said the woman to her lover, “Into the closet!” and she pushed him into the closet stark naked. The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet.
“Who are you?” he asked.
“I’m an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,” said the exterminator.
What are you doing in there?” the husband asked.
I’m investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,” the man replied.
“And where are your clothes?” asked the husband.
The man looked down at himself and said, “Those little so-and-sos!”
A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation.
“What’s the matter?” he was asked by a concerned visitor.
The man replied, “I heard the nurse say, ‘It’s a very simple operation, don’t worry, I’m sure it will be all right.”
“She was just trying to comfort you, what’s so frightening about that?”
“She wasn’t talking to me. She was talking to the doctor.”