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portrait Carol E Wyer small file -2-2Yikes! It’s Friday again. Without further ado, here’s my collection of funnies for you:

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You may know about Newton’s Laws. But there are some laws Newton forgot to state in his life time. Here are the unpublished laws of Newton. Note: These things are just for fun. Don’t take them seriously.

LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged tone.

LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will!

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.

LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

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Do You Ever Stop And Wonder Why?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why a round pizza gets delivered in a square box?

Why people pay to go up in tall buildings, and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why people say they “slept like a baby”, when babies normally wake up every two hours?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

What would the speed of lightning be if it didn’t zigzag?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but has to check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn’t glue stick to the bottle?

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

Why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why you don’t ever see the headline: “Psychic Wins Lottery”?

Why “abbreviated” is such a long word?

Why there isn’t mouse flavoured cat food?

Who tastes dog food when it has a “new & improved” flavour?

Why sheep don’t shrink when it rains?

 

What do you call male ballerinas?

 

Why it is when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

How come we put a man on the moon before realizing it would be a good idea to put wheels on suitcases?

How come “phonetically” is spelt with a “ph”?

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Have good weekend and remember to smile while you still have teeth.

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