Before I continue…time for a little plug for the book…”Join the Smile High Club and grab your copy of Grumpies On Board…after all you only live once!”
An older couple were walking on a beach when the husband tripped over a bottle and a genie came out.
“You can each have one wish,” said the genie. The wife made her wish first, “I would like to travel around the world, with my husband.”
Suddenly there appeared in her hand, two tickets for travel around the world. Now it was the husband’s turn.
“Well” said the husband, with a naughty look on his face, “I wish I can have a younger companion.”
The words were barely out of his mouth when poof, he aged 20 years!
“This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I’d like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic. If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off. If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. That’s me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!”
A little boy comes running Into the room and says, “Grandpa! Grandpa! Can you make a sound like a frog?”
The Grandpa says, “I don’t know, why?”
The little boy says, “Because grandma says as soon as you croak, we can go to Disneyland!”
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide-eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says, “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?”
“Ma’am,” the officer replies, “You weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.” “Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly twenty-two miles an hour!” the old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that “22” was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
“But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask, is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time,” the officer asks.
“Oh, they’ll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 142.”
Don’t forget…get a copy of Grumpies On Board and join the Smile High Club