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Bookprizejpg1I know…I know it’s feel good Friday and you are here for my weekly collection of jokes from around the world. I’ll get to them but first I must emplore you to help me. Grumpy Old Menopause is up for the People’s Book Prize Award, a prestigious award that is chosen by YOU the public.

Please, please, please vote for it. You can vote from any country and any email address. It takes little time. First you log onto the peopel’s Book Prize website HERE. Then register your email address – you need to solve a maths problem to prove you are not a robot too. You will then get a unique code you need to log back onto the site. After that, you click the PURPLE finalist button on the left hand side of the page (or click HERE) and look at the three categories yellow fiction blue non-fiction and green children’s book. Click the middle blue link and the non-fiction finalists will appear. (or, click HERE) Grumpy Old Menopause is the fifth book down. Please follow vting instructions which are very easy.

The award ceremony is being televised live on Sky so I am hyper-excited about it this year.

Even if you have not read the book, please consider voting. If you enjoy my humour and are happy to support me, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Competition is ferocious and I missed out last year as entire schools were voting and this year every author has pulle dout the stops to gain votes.

Okay, plea over. If you have any trouble logging onto the site or need more help, email me at author@carolewyer.co.uk. THANK YOU

So, onto today’s jokes at last. Thanks go to Fran, Will and Mike for these:

A motorcyclist picked up his friend from work one raw autumn day. The friend complained he was cold from the wind, so the driver stopped and got his friend to turn his coat around, so the collar would stop the wind blowing down the neck.

They went on their ways, but came to a construction site. Quickly the motorcyclist bumped through the dirt path, and at the end turned around to check how his friend was doing. But the friend had fallen off!

The cyclist rushed back along the dirt path, and discovered a group of construction workers gathered around his friend. He pushed his way through the crowd and asked how his friend was doing.

“He seemed alright,” came the reply, “until we turned his head around the right way.”

*

A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies and her mother told her “no.” The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, “Now Ellen, we just have half of the aisles left to go through; don’t be upset. It won’t be long.”

He passed the Mother again in the candy aisle. Of course, the little girl began to shout for candy. When she was told she couldn’t have any, she began to cry. The mother said, “There, there, Ellen, don’t cry. Only two more aisles to go, and then we’ll be checking out.”

The man again happened to be behind the pair at the check-out, where the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there would be no gum purchased today.

The mother patiently said, “Ellen, we’ll be through this check out stand in five minutes, and then you can go home and have a nice nap.”

The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. “I couldn’t help noticing how patient you were with little Ellen…”

The mother interrupted with, “My little girl’s name is Tammy… I’m Ellen.”

*

A man moved to the top of a mountain to get away from the hustle and bustle of his stressful life and to be alone.

One day, he heard a knock at the door. No one was there but he looked down and there sat a snail. It said “Hello. It’s quite cold out here can I come in?” The man shouted, “No why don’t you all understand I want to be alone!” and he kicked the snail down the mountain.

One year later there was a knock at the door and no one was there and then he looked down and there again sat a snail and it said, “Why did you do that?”

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