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AUTHOR3AE25Thanks to a certain Grumpy using up all the internet allowance, I have not been able to post on my blog for almost two weeks. Thank goodness it is May 1st and I have my new data allowance. I’d better get scheduling posts before he uses it all up again.

It’s Friday which means it’s time for a giggle. It’s also Labour Day so today’s jokes are appropriately themed. Hope you enjoy the collection:

A mathematician, a statistician and an accountant apply for the same job.

The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks, “What does two plus two equal?”

The mathematician replies, “Four.”

Then the interviewer calls in the statistician and asks the same question, “What does two plus two equal?”

The statistician says, “On average, four – give or take ten percent, but on average four.”

Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and poses the same question, “What does two plus two equal?”

The accountant gets up, locks the door, closes the shades, sits down next to the interviewer and says, “What do you want it to equal?”

 *

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, “I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”

The second responds, “Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.”

The third surgeon says, “No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.”

The fourth surgeon chimes in: “You know, I like construction workers…those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.”

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: “You’re all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable.”

*

  • I just lost my job as a Psychic. I did not see that coming.
  • I’m looking for a job where I am politely ignored and left to my own devices. With unlimited Internet access, doughnuts and coffee.
  • If a job’s worth doing, it’s too hard.
  • I love being a maze designer. I get completely lost in my work.
  • I worked very hard to get to where I am in life. An unemployed university graduate.
  • Inspecting mirrors is a job I could really see myself doing.
  • Sure I’m willing to work longer hours at work. As long as they’re lunch hours.
  • I think my job interview to be a bug sorter went well. I boxed all the right ticks.
  • My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned, I couldn’t concentrate.
  • Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.
  • After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it. Mainly because it was a so-so job.
  • Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was exhausting.
  • I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn’t cut it.
  • Then I tried to be a chef–figured it would add a little spice to my life but I just didn’t have the thyme.
  • I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn’t cut the mustard.
  • My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn’t noteworthy.
  • I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn’t have any patients.
  • I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn’t live on my net income.
  • Thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell.
  • I’m aspirin’ to be a chemist.
  • I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.
  • I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes but I was fired because I wasn’t up to it.
  • I found being an electrician interesting, but the work was shocking.
  • After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.
  • I applied for a job in Australia, but seems I don’t have the right koalifications.
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