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GetAttachment-6.aspxSo, here we are…another weekend in sight. Time to start it with a few guffaws. My thanks go to Frank and the wonderful Jim Webster.

Hope these tickle your funny bone:

A man found he had no bow tie and needed a bow tie before being allowed into
the club. He decides to go back to his car and get his jump leads out and
ties them into a bow. The man then goes back to the nightclub where he is
greeted by a bouncer who says, “I’ll let you in but I don’t want you starting
anything in here.”

*

Tony and his wife Alison went to the Lowestoft Air show every year. Every year Tony would say, “Ali’, I’d like to ride in that aeroplane.” And every year Ali’ would reply, “I know, Tony, but that aeroplane ride costs ten pounds, and ten pounds is ten pounds.”

One year, Tony and Aliison went to the fair and Tony said, “Ali’ , I’m 71
years old. If I don’t ride in that aeroplane this year I may never get another
chance. ” Alison replied, “Tony, that aeroplane ride costs ten pounds,
and ten pounds is ten pounds.” The pilot Rainer, overheard them and said,
“Folks, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take you both up for a ride. If you can
stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won’t charge you,
but if you say one word it’s ten pounds.”

Tony and Alison agreed and up they go. The pilot does all kinds of twists and
turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does all his tricks
over again, but still not a word. They land and the pilot turns to Tony,
“By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but
you didn’t.” Tony replied, “Well, I was going tosay something when Alison fell
out, but ten pounds is ten pounds.”

*

A highly timid little man, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, “Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?”

A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering little man and said, “It’s my dog. Why?”

“Well,” squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous, “I believe my dog just killed it, sir.”

“What?” roared the big man in disbelief. “What in the hell kind of dog do you have?”

“Sir,” answered the little man, “it’s a little four week old female puppy.”

“Bull!” roared the biker, “how could your puppy kill my Doberman?”

“It appears that your dog choked on her, sir.”

*

And finally…
A clergyman is driving to London when he gets stopped for speeding. The policeman smells the alcohol on his breath, and notices an empty wine bottle on the passenger seat, and he says “Sir, have you been drinking?”
The vicar replies, “Only water officer”.
The policeman asks, “Could you explain the smell of wine in this car, Sir?”
The vicar looks down at the bottle and says, “Good Lord, he’s done it again!”

 

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