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DSC00515How’s your week been? Ready for the weekend? Hope these Friday funnies get you chuckling and ready for the weekend. Thank you, Greg, Fran and Theresa today for this collection:

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.

The first said, “I built a big house for our mother.”

The second said,” I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.”

The third smiled and said, “I’ve got you, both beat. You know how Mom enjoys the Bible, and you know she can’t see very well. I sent her a brown parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took 20 monks in a monastery 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000.00 a year for 10 years, but it was worth it. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it.”

Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: “Milton,” she wrote the first son, “The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house.”

“Marvin,” she wrote to another, “I am too old to travel. I stay home all the time, so I never use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!”

“Dearest Melvin,” she wrote to her third son, “You were the only son to have the good sense to know what your mother likes. That chicken was delicious.”

*

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 50 years.

The wizard says, “Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.”

The old man says without hesitation, “I now pronounce you man and wife.”

*

 Moses and his flock arrive at the sea, with the Egyptians in hot pursuit. 

Moses calls a staff meeting.

Moses: Well, how are we going to get across the sea? We need a fast solution. The Egyptians are close behind us.

The General of the Armies: Normally, I’d recommend that we build a pontoon bridge to carry us across. But there’s not enough time — the Egyptians are too close.

The Admiral of the Navy: Normally, I’d recommend that we build barges to carry us across. But time is too short.

Moses: Does anyone have a solution?

Just then, his Public Relations man raises his hand.

Moses: You! You have a solution?

The PR Man — No, but I can promise you this: If you can find a way out of this one, I can get you two or three pages in the Old Testament!

*

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