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20140515_094621_resizedHappy Friday! Here are a few jokes to ease you into the weekend:

One day a man was driving home when he suddenly realized that it was his daughter’s birthday and — shock — he hadn’t bought her anything. Out of the corner of his eye he notices a shopping mall. Knowing that it was ‘now or never’, he pulls his car through three lanes of traffic, finds a parking bay and runs into the mall.

After a frantic search he finds a toy store, goes inside and attracts the attention of the shop assistant. When asked what he’d like, he simply says: “a Barbie Doll”.

The shop assistant looks at him in a condescending manner and asks, “So Sir, which Barbie would that be?”

The man looks surprised so the assistant continues, “We have Barbie Goes To the Ball at $19.99, Barbie goes Shopping at $19.99, Barbie goes Clubbing at $19.99, Barbie Goes To The Gym at $19.99, Cyber Barbie at $19.99 and Divorced Barbie at $249.99.”

The man can’t help himself and asks, “why is Divorced Barbie $249.99 when all those other Barbies are selling for $19.99???”

“Well Sir, that’s quite obvious!” says the assistant,

“Divorced Barbie comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s car, Ken’s furniture …

*

It was raining hard and a big puddle had formed in front of an Irish pub.
An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on the end and jiggled it up and down in the water.A curious gentleman asked what he was doing.”Fishing,” replied the old man.

“Poor old fool,” thought the gentleman, so he invited the old man to have a drink in the pub.
Feeling he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whisky, the gentleman asked,”And how many have you caught?”
“You’re the eighth today.”
*
The lawyer says: “I have good news and bad news.”
The CEO replies: “I’ve had an awful day, let’s hear the good news first.”
The lawyer says: “Your wife invested $20,000 in five pictures that are worth a minimum of $20 million.”
The CEO replies enthusiastically: “Well done, that is very good news indeed!  You’ve made my day; now what is the bad news?”
The lawyer answers: “They are pictures of you in bed with your secretary.”
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