I have to admit that the English language sometimes flummoxes me. I can barely understand the slang expressions that are popular with the youth of today. I never thought I’d be typing that given I have always tried to stay ‘with it’ but alas, I am clearly getting older and words like ‘amazeballs’ and expressions like ‘My bad’ astound me but I confess, also amuse me. So today, I am doing my own astounding and amusing with the following:

1. Brand ambassador (shop assistant)
2. Great service agent (hotel receptionist)
3. Colour distribution technician (painter and decorator)
4. Beauty ambassador (sales assistant specialising in selling make-up)
5. Protection specialist (insurance salesperson)
6. Waking night project worker (a general care worker on a night shift)
7. Wet leisure attendant (lifeguard)
8. Talent delivery specialist (recruitment consultant)
9. Media distribution officer (paperboy)
10. Education centre nourishment consultants (dinnerlady)

Thanks to Jim Webster http://jandbvwebster.wordpress.com/ for his contribution below:

Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavoured mouthwash.

Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

Now let’s go out there and confuse those youngsters!