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20140515_094621_resizedFeel Good Friday jokes are brought to you by that wonderful lady, Fran Fischer writer of the humorous blog fishducky, finally!, who sends me hilarious jokes every day. Here’s a collection of some of those that made me chuckle:

A couple walking in the park noticed a young man and woman sitting on a bench, passionately kissing.

“Why don’t you do that?” said the wife.

“Honey,” replied her husband, “I don’t even know that woman!”

*

 A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day… 30,000 to a man’s 15,000.

The wife replied, “The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men…

The husband then turned to his wife and asked,

“What?”

*

A trucker came into a Truck Stop Cafe’ and placed his order. He said, “I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.”

The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, “This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?”

“No,” the cook said. “Three flat tires… Mean three pancakes; a pair of headlights… Is two eggs sunny side up; and a pair of running boards… Are 2 slices of crisp bacon! “

“Oh … OK!” said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer. The trucker asked, “What are the beans for, Blondie?”

She replied, “I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!”

*

At the Scottish wedding reception the D.J. yelled…”Would all married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living.”  The bartender was almost crushed to death.

*

Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband.

*

A mother mouse and a baby mouse were walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacked them. The mother mouse goes, “BARK!” and the cat runs away.

“See?” says the mother mouse to her baby. “Now do you see why it’s important to learn a foreign language?”

*

 A policeman brought four boys before a judge.

“They were causing an awful lot of commotion at the zoo, your Honour,” he said.
“Boys,” said the judge sternly, “I never like to hear reports of juvenile delinquency.
Now I want each of you to tell me your name and what you were doing wrong.”
“My name is George,” said the first boy, “and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen.”
“My name is Pete,” said the second boy, “and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen.”
“My name is Mike,” said the third boy, “and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen.”
“My name is Peanuts,” said the fourth boy.

*

Fran, thank you and keep them coming.

 

 

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