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Since this blog is called Facing 50 With Humour it seems appropriate I put some jokes up about reaching that magic age.

Thank you Frank, Sheila and Fran for sending me today’s collection.

You’re 50 or older if:

Every sentence seems to begin with, “In my day” or “When I was a lad/young girl…”

The waiter asks how you’d like your steak…and you say ‘pureed.’

You keep repeating yourself.

Candlelit dinners are no longer romantic because you canโ€™t read the menu.

Making love turns you into a wild animal โ€“ a sloth.

At a garden party you’re mainly interested in the garden.

You still have a photographic memory but it no longer offers same day service.

You keep repeating yourself.

You’re not grouchy, you just don’t like traffic, waiting, crowds, loud music, unruly kids, barking dogs, politicians and a few other things you can’t remember.

You still get the urge, but cant remember what for.

You keep repeating yourself.

You’re awake many hours before your body allows you to get up.

It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.

You’re very good at telling stories–over and over and over and over…

You look forward to a dull evening in.

*

Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel; I desperately gave myself a pat down. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.
Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My wife has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition.
My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. Her theory is that the car will be stolen. As I burst through the door, I came to a terrifying conclusion. Her theory was right. The parking lot was empty.
I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all, “Honey,” I stammered; I always call her “honey” in times like these. “I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen.”
There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard her voice. “Idiot”, she barked, “I dropped you off!”
Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “Well, come and get me.”
She retorted, “I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car.”

*

An old man was tired from riding his bike, and decided to hitch hike. A guy in his red Corvette pulled up to give him a lift. When the old man brought out his bike that he had leaned up against a tree, the driver said, “I have no room for your bike in my car, but seeing you standing here in the hot sun, I’d like to help you in some way.”

After a few seconds of thought, the driver said, “I know what we can do. I have a rope behind my seat. I’ll tie one end of it to the rear end of my car and the other end to the front your bike. You ride your bike, and I’ll give you this whistle. If I go too fast for you, just blow your whistle and I’ll slow down.” The old guy agreed to it. So off he went down the highway with the old man and his bike in tow.

A little ways down the rode, a young lady in a bright yellow corvette pulls up next to them. She gives the guy in the red Vette the High Sign, meaning “you want a drag?” Off they go down the highway, 100 plus MPH, the old man blowing his whistle like crazy. They zipped by a Highway Patrol cop sitting under a tree.

The cop knew he couldn’t catch them, so he called ahead to his fellow cop down the rode to intercept. “Car number 2, this is car number 1.” “Go head number 1, what’cha got for me?” I got a red and yellow Vettes come down your way doing hundred plus, can you intercept?” “Ten-four, Is there anything else?” “Yeah, you wouldn’t believe this, but there is an old guy riding a bicycle blowing his whistle trying to pass.”

*

Have a good weekend.

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