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30/06/14 Weekend online pics - MK NEWS offices, Milton KeynesMixed up Feel Good Friday today as first, I have to tell you who has won the Indoor Skydiving voucher for 4 free flights at any Airkix Indoor Flight centre. There were 157 entries. I counted every retweet, tweet, share on FB and mentions here, Google and on Linkedin. If you tweeted more than once, you got an extra entry. My desk has been littered with bits of paper all week.

So, without further ado … drum roll … the winner of the Indoor skydiving voucher is..

Charlotte Foreman

Congratulations Charlotte! I hope you’ll post photographs of your experience for us all to see.

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10551663_10204852588902973_525070557956477170_oThis week was manic and saw me hurtling up to Salford to media City for BBC Breakfast television. I’ll be writing about it another time but for today here are a few television jokes:

The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television.

New study reveals guests on daytime talk shows are mainly female. Of course most of them weren’t born that way.

I saw Lee Majors, the bionic man, the other day. He looked a million dollars…he’s really let himself go.

Blackadder: Baldrick, have you no idea what irony is?
Baldrick: Yes, it’s like goldy and bronzy only it’s made out of iron.

Sometimes, I think I’m a genius. Then I realise I’ve already seen this episode of Mastermind.

Men don’t care what is on TV. They only care what else is on TV.

Reality is for people who can’t handle Star Trek.

There’s an old TV show about two detectives who solve crimes over the phone. Star Key and Hash.

Apparently, Eskimos have 23 different Newsreaders called Jon Snow.

Decades later, the Happy Days gang would lose everything when Arthur talked them into investing in a Fonzi Scheme.

Regarding rumours of Marge Simpson ill health: I’ll say it again: her face looks drawn.

There are always people worse off than you – people with no dignity, no self-respect. Just look at Jeremy Kyle. And the people on his show.

What do you call ghosts who scare talkshow hosts? The Phantom of the Oprah.

The missus left a note on the telly for me. ‘It’s not working, I’m leaving.’ I plugged it in, turned it on,  nothing wrong with it.

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And finally, the challenges are over but my message in Three Little Birds remains Carpe Diem. So I had to end the week with these:

Carpe Diem ~ Seize the Day

Carpet Diem ~ Seize the Carpet

Car Payment Diem ~ Seize the Checkbook

Carpe Diarrheam ~ Seize the Toilet Paper

Carpe Duh ~ Seize the Idiot

Carp Diem ~ Fish of the Day

Carpe Diet ~ Seize the Rice Cakes

Carpal Diem ~ Seize the Knuckles

Carnal Diem ~ Seize the Smut

Carpe Dentum ~ Seize the Dentures

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A rich millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his 50th birthday, so during this party he grabs the microphone and he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it. ‘I will give anything they desire of mine, to the man who swims across that pool.’

So the party continues with no events in the pool, until suddenly, there is a great splash and all the guests of the
party run to the pool to see what has happened.

In the pool is a man and he is swimming as hard as he can, and the fins come out of the water and the jaws are snapping and this guy just keeps on going and the sharks are gaining on him and this guy reaches the end and he gets out of the pool, tired and soaked.

The millionaire grabs the microphone and says, ‘I am a man of my word, anything of mine I will give, my Ferraris, my house, absolutely anything, for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So sir what will it be?’ the millionaire asks.

The guy grabs the microphone and says, ‘Why don’t we start with the name of the so-and-so that pushed me in!’

Have a good weekend.

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