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duckIndulge me a little longer, please. As you know, I’ve been posting photos of a red duck that I got from the Apex Hotel Temple Court in London when I went down for The People’s Book Prize. He has been named and is now called Roscoe.

Well, those wonderful people at Apex liked the post and photos so much, they’ve sent me a new friend for Roscoe! So in honour of Apex Hotels and all the little ducks they give out here are some duck jokes this week.

By the way, if you’d like your very own duck, then check out all the colours and where you can get them by clicking HERE which will open a new tab, and keep following this blog as I shall have a few surprises for you in the coming weeks.

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A duck walks into a pharmacy and says, “Do you have any chapstick?” When the pharmacist hands it to him, the duck replies, “Thanks, just put it on my bill.”

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Q: What time does a duck wake up?

A: At the quack of dawn!

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Q: What do you call a cat that swallows a duck?

A: A duck-filled-fatty-pus

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Q: How do you make a duck sing?
A: Put it in the oven till it’s Bill Withers

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A duck walks into a pharmacy and says, “Do you have any chapstick?” When the pharmacist hands it to him, the duck replies, “Thanks, just put it on my bill.”

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A duck walks into a bar and says to the bar tender “I’ll have a beer”.
The bartender says “Hey! where did you come from?”
The duck says “I’m working the construction site across the street”.
And the bartender says, “Well why are you working construction when you could be making millions in the circus?”
And the duck said “What would the circus want with a brick laying duck?”

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A man is driving a pick-up truck down the road with a bunch of ducks standing in the back. A police officer pulls over the driver, informs him that he is speeding and then asks him where he’s going with all those ducks. The driver says that he doesn’t know what to do with them anymore. The officer says, “Look, there’s a zoo not far from here and that’s where you should take them.” The man thanks the officer and drives off with his ducks.

The next day the officer again sees the same pick-up truck barreling down the road. This time, though, all the ducks in the back are wearing sunglasses. The officer pulls the driver over and says, “I thought I told you to take those ducks to the zoo!” “I did,” said the driver, “but now they want to go to the beach!”

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Three guys had an accident and went straight to heaven. When they got there, St. Peter said, “We only have one rule in heaven. Don’t step on the ducks!”
They entered heaven and sure enough there were ducks all over the place. It was almost impossible not to step on a duck and although they tried their best to avoid them the first guy accidentally stepped on one.
Along came St. Peter with the ugliest woman he ever saw. St. Peter chained them together and said, “Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this woman”.
The next day, the second guy stepped accidentally on a duck and along came St. Peter, who didn’t miss a thing, and with him was another extremely ugly woman. He chained them together with the same admonishment as the first.
The third guy had observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to a horrible looking woman was very careful where he stepped. He managed to go for months without stepping on any ducks. Then one day, St. Peter came up to him with the most gorgeous woman he had ever laid eyes on. St. Peter chained them together without saying a word.
The guy remarked, “I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all eternity?”
She replied, “I don’t know about you, but I stepped on a duck!”

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Thank you to Jo from Apex Hotels for this…

roscoeand bob1

20140619_175358_resized20140619_175532_resizedAnd now Roscoe has a girlfriend called Bobby! (Roberta) Watch out for more from them both.

Have a quacking good weekend!

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