20140515_094621_resizedTo celebrate the end of another week and the end of the month of May, here’s a couple of jokes for you. Hope you laugh. 

*

The head of the Cotswold hedgehogs went to see the head of the local rabbits for some help.
“Hey rabbit, wonder if you can help us”, he said
“I’ll be glad to try, Spikey”, said the Rabbit.
“The thing is, like it is now, at night, we are losing far too many fellow hogs to those devlish machines with bright eyes that move like thunder along the smooth black walkways… I was wondering, your species seem to be very good at dodging them, you never seem to get squashed”.
“Aaah” said Briar, “I will tell you how we do this, and come with me now and we will demonstrate the technique to your tribal members”. Looking pleased, the hedgehog gathered his inner circle together and they walked the short disatnce with the rabbit to the A419, nearby.
“Now”, said Rabbit, “this is what you do… If you see those two bright lights heading towards you as you are crossing the road, just make sure you sit down right in between the two of them – then you will be fine”. 
Just to prove it, the rabbit ran into the road in front of a speeding car, and to the shocked hedgehogs’ delight emerged unscathed and rejoined the group.
Spikey was keen to demonstrate the new technique so as soon as the next pair of lights appeared he ran into the road and squatted down between the lights…

There was a nasty squelching noise and the hedgehogs turned to look at rabbit…who said,
“Blimey, you don’t see many Reliant Robins around these days do you”.

*

A man checks into his hotel on a business trip and, feeling a bit lonely, he thought, I’ll call one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you’re calling for a cab. 
He looked in a phone booth near the hotel and found an ad for a girl calling herself Eroveronique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair, long graceful legs….. well, you get the picture! He copied the phone number and returned to his hotel. When back in the room he figures, what the heck, give her a call. 

‘Hello,’ the woman says……… God, she sounded sexy. 

‘Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I’d like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I’m in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you’ve got in your bag of tricks. We’ll go hot and heavy all night; tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything you want! Now, how does that sound?’ 

She says, ‘That sounds fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line

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