Are you a child of the seventies? If you were a child during the 1970s and especially if you were you a child in 1976, congratulations! You are happier and should enjoy life more than those born in different decades. (According to some research I discovered that was probably written by someone feeling grumpy that day.) I won’t go into all the reasons why people who lived through the seventies have a good sense of humour. It’ll take too long. I’ll save it for another post.
So, in honour of being a child of that decade, here are few old jokes from the era that gave us shows like The Comedians, The Two Ronnies, The Goodies, Monty Python, Les Dawson, Ken Dodd, Dave Allen, Tommy Cooper and many more to keep us entertained.
I arrived at my date’s house and she came out with her arms folded.
“I’m not riding with you on that thing.”
“Come on! Hop on we’ll arrive at the pub in style!”
“It’s a classic from the 1970s!”
“Get lost, Ian, it’s a Space Hopper.”
The people next door are awful. At three o’clock this morning they were banging on the walls and screaming. Good job I wasn’t trying to sleep — I was playing my drums at the time.
Have you seen the new tax form? It’s very simple, it just asks two questions: (A) How much do you earn? (B) Send it.
We spend our lives on the run: we get up by the clock, eat and sleep by the clock, get up again, go to work – and then we retire. And what do they give us? A clock.
If it’s sent by ship then it’s a cargo, if it’s sent by road then it’s a shipment.
Honolulu, it’s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife’s mother.
My Dad knew I was going to be a comedian. When I was a baby he said, ‘Is this a joke?’
I haven’t spoken to my mother-in-law for eighteen months. I don’t like to interrupt her.
I said to the waiter: “There is no chicken in this chicken soup.” He said: “And there’s no horse in the horseradish either.”
I said: “How long will my spaghetti be?” The waiter said: “I don’t know. We never measure it.”
I met my wife at a dance. I thought she was at home with the kids.
My wife dislocated her jaw and couldn’t talk so I phoned the doctor and told him to drop round anytime, in a few weeks or a few months.
My wife had a bad habit of biting her nails but I cured her. I hid her teeth.
Paddy says to Mick, “I’m ready for a holiday, only this year I’m going to do it a bit different. Three years ago, I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant. Two years ago, I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant. Last year, I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant.”
Mick asks, “So what are you going to do this year?”
Paddy replies, “I’ll take her with me!”
Paddy says to Mick, “Christmas is on a Friday this year”…. Mick says “Let’s hope it’s not the 13th.”
The Irish Space Agency has announced plans to be the first country to fly a rocket to the sun. “Won’t that be too dangerous? Surely the rocket will melt?” “We’ve thought of that” says Paddy the Chief Scientist “We’re sending it up at night”.
Have a great weekend and remember to smile while you still have teeth.