“Although my body is 78 years old, my mind is only about 36. I’ve been married for 58 years & have 3 children & 4 grandchildren. I’ve traveled extensively & have even had a fabulous ride (to celebrate my 74th birthday) in the same plane that the astronauts train in–under ZERO GRAVITY!! I’ve fully enjoyed my life so far. My absolute favorite thing to do is laugh–& to share that laughter with everyone possible!! If I use a lot of exclamation points it’s because I think in exclamation points!”
The Pope was getting into his limo one night when he turned to the limo driver and said, “Before I die, I would love to drive this beautiful limo just once.”
“Well, here,” the limo driver says, “Take the wheel, Your Holiness!”
Further down the road, the limo is stopped by a policeman who looks in the window, goes back to his squad car, calls dispatch and says, “I just pulled over someone real important and I don’t know what to do.”
“Well, who is it?” his dispatcher says, “The mayor? The governor? The president?”
“I don’t know,” the officer responds, “but the Pope’s his chauffeur!”
A guy walked into his friend’s office. He found his friend sitting at his desk, looking very depressed.
“Hey, what’s up with you?” he asked.
“Oh, its my wife,” replied the man sadly. “She’s hired a new secretary for me.”
“Well, nothing wrong in that,” he said, “Is she blonde or brunette?”
“Neither. He’s bald.”
A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. “I want a tooth pulled, and I don’t want Novocaine because I’m in a big hurry,” the woman said. “Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we’ll be on our way.”
The dentist was quite impressed. “You’re certainly a courageous woman,” he said. “Which tooth is it?”
The woman turned to her husband and said, “Show him your tooth, dear.”
A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, “Hey, Willis, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I’ll help you get the wagon up later.”
“That’s mighty nice of you,” Willis answered, “but I don’t think Pa would like me to.”
“Aw, come on, boy,” the farmer insisted.
“Well, okay,” the boy finally agreed, and added, “but Pa won’t like it.”
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. “I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset.”
“Don’t be foolish!” the neighbor said with a smile. “By the way, where is he?”
“Under the wagon.”