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smiley stress ballHappy Valentine’s Day! Here’s a Valentine’s Day poem from Mr Grumpy:

Roses are thorny, chocs make you lumpy.

Today is for youngsters and not for old grumpy.

Romantic, isn’t he?

I can’t let today pass without a couple of love jokes. They are PG rated. Here goes:

A couple celebrates their 30th anniversary by re-walking their first walk together. They come to the fence against which they first made love.
The husband says, “Come on, for old time’s sake.” The wife agrees and they both undress.
Afterwards, the husband says, “You’re even better than you were 30 years ago.”
His wife replies, “That fence wasn’t electrified 30 years ago!”

*

No matter what Isaac the husband did in bed, his wife never achieved an orgasm. Since by Jewish law a wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to consult their Rabbi.

The Rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion: ‘Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help your wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm.’

They go home and follow the Rabbi’s advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. It does not help and the wife is still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they go back to the Rabbi.

‘Okay,’ he says to the husband, ‘Try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them.’

Once again, they follow the Rabbi’s advice. They go home and hire, the same strapping young man. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and soon she has an enormous, room-shaking, ear-splitting screaming orgasm.

The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly, ‘See that, you schmuck? THAT’S how you wave a towel!’

*

I can’t really follow that so I’ll make a speedy exit and see you over the weekend.

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