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smiley stress ballHello! Here we are again. It’s Friday and time for a smile. I hope you enjoy these four jokes. They certainly made me giggle.

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A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when Steven, a tall, exceptionally handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him.

This seasoned yet playful heartthrob noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. (As any man would.)  Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, “I’ll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for £20.00…on one condition…”

Flabbergasted but intrigued, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, “You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.”

The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a £20 note from her purse, which she pressed into the man’s hand along with her address.

She looked deeply and passionately into his eyes, barely concealing her
anticipation and excitement, and slowly and meaningfully said…. “Decorate my house.”

*     *     *     *     *

A rich blonde buys a new automatic Jaguar XKR Sport. She drives the car perfectly well during the day, but at night, the car just won’t move at all for her.

After trying to drive the car at night for a week, but without any luck, she furiously calls the Jaguar dealers and they send out a technician to her.

The technician examines the car and finds nothing wrong with it. So he turns to the blonde and asks: “Ma’am, are you sure you are using the right gears?”

Full of anger, the blonde replies: “You fool, you idiot, how on earth could you ask such a question? I’m not stupid you know! Of course I am using the right gears. I use D during the day, and N at night.”

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After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in his seat and closed his eyes.

As the train rolled out of the station, the young woman sitting next to him pulled out her cell phone and started talking in a loud voice: “Hi sweetheart. It’s Sue. I’m on the train”. “Yes, I know it’s the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting.”

“No, honey, not with that Kevin from the accounting office. It was with the boss”.

“No sweetheart, you’re the only one in my life”.

“Yes, I’m sure, cross my heart!”

Fifteen minutes later, she was still talking loudly.

When the man sitting next to her had enough, he leaned over and said into the phone,

“Sue, hang up the phone and come back to bed.”

Sue doesn’t use her cell phone in public any longer.

*     *     *     *     *

An elderly man while driving was stopped by police at around 2 am. and was asked where he was going at that time of night.The man replied, “I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and its effects on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late.”

The officer then asked,

“Really and who would be giving that lecture at this  time of night?”

The man replied, “That would be my wife.”

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Have a good weekend!

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