“Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.”

I often give talks on how to grow old disgracefully. There’s a lot I can say on this subject but due to lack of space here, below are a few pointers. I’m sure many of you can add to them in the comments so please do.

006_6Astonish a beautician by asking how much it’ll cost to be vajazzled and watch the look on her face.

Google  ‘Age Disgracefully’ and enjoy some of the sites that come up. They’ll give you a few more liberating ideas.

Eat a very large ice cream, topped with chocolate sauce and sprinkles.  It’ll make you feel juvenile. (And/or rather sick!)

Dance. In the morning in the kitchen with your radio turned up loudly. Unless you feel really brave then head off to a nightclub and show off your moves before being thrown out by a bouncer. (I suppose my drinking a bottle of Tequila beforehand had something to do with that too.)

Stiletto HarleyInvest some time and money in new technology and gadgets like the latest phone or tablet. These gizmos, once you have mastered them, will keep you up to date and youthful. (Unless you are  a technophobe like my husband, then they will frustrate and depress.)

Sing at every opportunity. This is especially recommended when you are pushing your trolley about a supermarket. You’ll be surprised how many people at the checkout are actually humming the same song you were singing as you went around.

Grin at everyone you meet in the street. They’ll either grin back or scurry off, frightened you are a weirdo.

Race about up and down your drive on your grandchildren’s scooter or bicycle. It’ll make you feel young again. Not recommended if your grandchild has a very tiny bicycle…you will get stuck.

Photo~2Activities. Take up new challenges and activities. I bang on about this all the time but recently I have been gratified to see that national newspapers are reporting similar findings to me. If you take up a new challenge you’ll stave off old age a little. If you are stuck for challenges look at my books either How Not to Murder Your Grumpy which offers over 700 challenges or Grumpy Old Menopause which contains some unusual hobbies.

Clown about a little. Let that inner child out for a while and do something silly. I’m sure you can think of something but if not try blowing bubbles with fruit flavoured bubble gum, doing a cartwheel in your back garden (only recommended if you haven’t got poor joints) fly a kite on a hillside, have a go at bouncing on a Space Hopper,  remind yourself how to skip, or use a Hula hoop. Go to the toy department in a store and play on a Xylophone or purchase an instrument, like a kazoo or mouth organ and parp away at the till, all the time pretending you are testing it for a young relative – the list is endless. Believe me, no one will suspect you are behaving badly. You’ll get away with all of that without anyone raising an eyebrow.

Enjoy life. Take time to appreciate what Nature has to offer and count your blessings. It is easy to forget sometimes that your life is enriched by others.

Facial exercises. Try these out while sitting on a bus or train. Guaranteed to get you a seat on your own and you’ll exercise your muscles at the same time.

Unleash that naughty streak. Come on use that imagination. Here’s a video to help you think of something mischievous to do today.

Laugh. Well that one was predictable wasn’t it? DVDs, books, films, comedy acts.  If you still can’t find anything to laugh at come here every Friday and chuckle at my Feel Good Friday jokes.

Laugh some more. Even if you fake laughter you’ll release endorphins and fool your mind so giggle at something even if it isn’t funny. I usually start by looking in the mirror.

Youthful. If you have a youthful outlook and mind, people will think you are younger than you are.  People think my 80-year-old mother is only 50-60 years old because she hangs out with people half her age, and behaves like them. Somehow they see beyond the wrinkles.

You don’t stop having fun when you grow old, you grow old when you stop having fun.”