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AUTHOR3AE25These Fridays seem to come around at an alarming pace. Mind you, it is a sign of older age that you notice time passing quickly. And, it’s not just the days that zoom past. So do months. In retail terms it appears we are almost at the end of the year. I was in town yesterday where the department store had Christmas decorations and present ideas on all floors. Imagine my delight! I spent ages looking at baubles and considering purchasing mince pies.(Okay, I didn’t really.)

I was, however, tempted to tell you Christmas jokes today. Luckily, I changed my mind. If you have any really good Christmas jokes, send them to me at author@carolewyer.co.uk and I’ll use them in my Christmas special, at a more appropriate time, crediting and linking to you and your blog.

So, I’m sticking to this mixture of short and snappy jokes for today:

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An E-flat, a G-flat, and a B-flat walk in to a bar and the bartender says: “I’m sorry, we don’t serve minors.”

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Where did Noah keep all the freshwater fish? In his multi-storey carp ark.

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Two hunters were out in the forest. Suddenly, one clutches his chest and falls to the ground. Immediately, the other one calls 999 and the operator asks what the problem is.

“It’s Hank, he’s not moving and I think he’s dead!”

So the operator says: “Can you make sure he’s dead?”

Then she hears a bang and then: “Yup! Now what?”

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Little lad came home from school and said, “Dad, I just got a part in the school play. I’m the husband.” The Dad replies, “Never mind, son. Maybe next time you’ll get a speaking part.”

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How many policemen does it take to change a light bulb? None. It turned itself in!

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What do you get if you cross a parrot with a centipede? A walkie-talkie.

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What’s the difference between a cat and a comma? One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.

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A lady named Ruth used to be a member of our club. She left. So, am I now a member of a ruthless organisation?

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An adorable little girl goes into a pet shop, looks up at the assistant and in the cutest voice asks, “”Excuse me mister, do you sell widdle wabbits?”

The assistant replies, “Of course sweetheart, would you like a little white rabbit, a little black rabbit or a little fluffy grey rabbit?”

With a look of complete puzzlement on her face the little girl replies, “You know what, I really don’t think my python cares what colour it is!”

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The Grim Reaper came to me last night and I fought him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death!

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My brother took going to jail really badly. He has refused all offers of food and drink, even became violent. We haven’t played Monopoly since.

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Have a great weekend. I think I might erect our Christmas tree for a laugh and video Mr Gumpy’s response.

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