Some of you may know Fran AKA fishducky. She’s been a loyal follower of this blog and great entertainer with her witty comments that she leaves. She is over 50. I shan’t tell you exactly how old she is but she has a very healthy attitude towards ageing, and often sends me jokes about getting older. Many of us at this blog believe she is actually my mother’s twin sister, such are the similarities between her and my own mother.
Anyway, today is her birthday and in honour of that, I am dedicating my jokes today to her. Happy Birthday, Fran!
You can find fishducky at her blog where she posts all sorts of amusing stuff. Well worth a visit. Click HERE to see what I mean.
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Eliza and Betty were playing pontoon in the sitting room at the Woodviews Home for gentlemen and gentleladies, when a worried look settled on Eliza’s face.
“This is awful,” she said, laying her cards down. “I’m so embarrassed. I’ve known you for so many years — but I’ve completely forgotten what your name is.”
Betty gave a snort of impatience. “Well really,” she said. “What a question. Fancy asking me that.”
She paused . . . “How soon do you need to know?”
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Three ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said,
“Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while
standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can’t remember whether I need
to put it away, or start making a sandwich.”
The second lady chimed in with, “Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing
of the stairs and can’t remember whether I was on my way up or on my way
The third one responded, ” Well, ladies, I’m glad I don’t have that problem.
Knock on wood,” as she rapped her knuckles on the table, and then said,
“That must be the door, I’ll get it!”
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20 Signs You Are Getting Old
- Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.
- Your spine goes out more than you do.
- You’re asleep, and your family keep checking to see that you’re still alive.
- You are cautioned to slow down, not by the police but by your doctor.
- You turn down the lights to be economical instead of romantic.
- Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
- You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
- 6:00 a.m. is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
- You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
- You watch the Weather Channel.
- Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”
- You’re the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.
- Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
- Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
- You take naps.
- Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
- Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3:00 am would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
- You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
- You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
- “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again.