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AUTHOR3AE25Continuing the theme of reading and books this week, here are few feel Good Friday jokes on the subject of books.

Q: What is a flea’s favourite book ?

A: The itch-hikers guide to the galaxy!

Q: What do young ghosts write their homework in? 

A: Exorcise books.

*     *     *     *     *

I’ve just taken up speed reading. Last night I did war and peace in 20 seconds.
I know it’s only 3 words but it’s a start!

I hope my new book does well. It’s called “How to be concise and get straight to the point using the minimum of diminutive words necessary to convey your meaning as clearly as possible without overly long descriptions and explanations.”

After being escorted out of Kings Cross station with concussion I’m beginning to think my Hogwarts acceptance letter was a hoax.

I’ve just read the dictionary. Turns out the Zebra did it.

I was reading this book today, The History Of Glue. I couldn’t put it down.

Details have been released of the film version of the best-selling book ’50 Shades of Grey’. The film will star James Spader & Maggie Gyllenhall, is to be called ‘Secretary’ and will be made 10 years ago.

I walked into Waterstones and asked, “Do you have any books on ‘How to stop impulse buying’?”
“Yes we do.”
“Excellent. I’ll take seventeen copies please.”

I ordered a joke book off Amazon last week…. but I didn’t get it.

I’ve just finished Great Expectations and I have to say I was a little disappointed.

I’ve just bought a 3D Kindle.
Or a book as it’s commonly known.

I’ve been thinking of writing a mystery novel.
Or have I?

“Good God Holmes!”
“What is it Watson?”
“We seemed to have forgotten our Christian names.”

I used to be obsessed with JRR Tolkien.
Now I’ve kicked the hobbit!

To cut a long story short,
the end.

*     *     *     *     *

One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent.

Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, ‘Good morning, Ma’am. What are you doing?’

‘Reading a book,’ she replies, (thinking, ‘Isn’t that obvious?’)

‘You’re in a Restricted Fishing Area,’ he informs her.

‘I’m sorry, officer, but I’m not fishing. I’m reading.’

‘Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I’ll have to take you in and write you up.’

‘If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with sexual assault,’ says the woman.

‘But I haven’t even touched you,’ says the Game Warden.

‘That’s true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.’

‘Have a nice day ma’am,’ and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It’s likely she can also think.

*      *     *     *     *

Have a good weekend!
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