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AUTHOR3AE25The jokes today come from Mel Parish, author of Ulterior Motives and Silent Lies.  She sent these to me and I couldn’t resist posting them for you to enjoy.

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BRITISH HUMOUR IS DIFFERENT – These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K.Newspapers:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old,
Hateful little bastard.
Bites!

FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor’s dog.

FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.

FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

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OTHER JOKES  – CHILDREN ARE QUICK!
 
TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell ‘crocodile?’
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L’
TEACHER: No, that’s wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O.
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TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
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TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ‘ I. ‘
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie….. Always say, ‘I am.’
MILLIE: All right… ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’
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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louis, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand…..
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TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mum is a good cook.
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TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s..
Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It’s the same dog.
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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
__________________________________Hope you enjoyed them Have a super weekend and remember a day without sunshine is like, night!

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