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smiley stress ballI have been receiving some fantastic jokes from you all recently. Thank you to everyone who has sent them in and they will be posted over the next few weeks. I am trying to keep jokes themed for you and today is no exception. Who do I have to thank today? Firstly, my physiotherapist and friend, Nicky Snazell who has a tremendous sense of humour and puts all her patients at ease. Next, the wonderful author, Jacqueline Gum and finally, the incorrigible fishducky. Enjoy!

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A plane is on its way to Toronto, when a blonde in economy class gets up and moves to the first class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this, and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class, and that she will have to sit in the back.

The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Toronto and I’m staying right here.”

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in first class that belongs in economy, and won’t move back to her seat.

The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.

The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Toronto and I’m staying right here.”

The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won’t listen to reason.

The pilot says, “You say she is a blonde? I’ll handle this. I’m married to a blonde. I speak blonde.”

He goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and she says, “Oh, I’m sorry.” and gets up and goes back to her seat in economy.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.

“I told her, “first class isn’t going to Toronto.””

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Women are like phones—They like to be held, talked to, and touched often. But push the wrong button and your ass is disconnected!

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For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian  woman.
One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he said he would pay  her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.
If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also  provide child support until the child turned  18.
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.
To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write ‘Spaghetti’ on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
“Honey,” she said, “you received a very strange post card today.”
“Oh, just give it to me and I’ll explain it later,” he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.
On the card was written:
Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti,  Spaghetti, Spaghetti.
Three with meatballs, two  without.
Send extra sauce.

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Her minister told an eighty-year-old woman that, at her age, she should be giving some thought to what he called “the hereafter.” She said to him, “I think about it many times a day.”
“Oh, really?” said the minister. “That is very wise.”
“It’s not a matter of wisdom,” she replied. “It’s when I open a drawer or a closet, I ask myself, ‘What am I here after?’”

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Have a great weekend!

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