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IMG_0870It’s Friday and my jokes today are for all you teachers who are looking forward to a long break from school and for all you parents:

Little Jo wasn’t getting good marks in school. One day he surprised the teacher by tapping her on the shoulder and saying…. “I don’t want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don’t get better grades….. somebody is going to get a spanking…”

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“An abstract noun,” the teacher said, “is something you can think of, but you can’t touch it. Can you give me an example of one?”
“Sure,” a teenage boy replied. “My father’s new car.”

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And finally, for those of you who love grammar:

Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They drink. They leave.

A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

A dangling modifier walks into a bar. After finishing a drink, the bartender asks it to leave.

A question mark walks into a bar?

Two quotation marks “walk into” a bar.

A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking a drink.

The bar was walked into by the passive voice.

The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.

A synoynm ambles into a pub.

A hyperbole totally ripped into this bar and destroyed everything.

A run on sentence walks into a bar it is thirsty.

Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapsed to the bar floor.

A group of homophones wok inn two a bar.

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A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air.

“Why?” asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.

“I’m a panda,” he says at the door. “Look it up.”

The waiter turns to the relevant entry and, sure enough, finds an explanation. “Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves.”

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Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

To.

To who?

It’s to whom, you illiterate fool.

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Let’s eat Grandma!

Let’s eat, Grandma!

Punctuation SAVES LIVES!

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