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Audrey Carden's entry for the 'yellow' contest this week

Audrey Carden’s entry for the ‘yellow’ contest this week

It’s the end of the week and joke time! Before I reveal today’s jokes, I would like to point you all in the direction of the last stop on the big cover reveal tour for How Not to Murder Your Grumpy. There have been prizes every day and lots of daft contests. There is still time to win the yellow Lamborghini (see post from yesterday) and to enter the fabulous Rafflecopter Draw. Best Grumpy prizes ever are still up for grabs. Today’s stop is with the wonderful Kim the Bookworm. click HERE to find out what funny things grumpies say.

And so, onto the Feel Good Friday collection for this week. Here we go…

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Once upon a time there were 3 balloons, mummy balloon, daddy balloon, and baby balloon.

Tired of baby balloon creeping into their bed every night, mummy and daddy balloon decide to do something about it.

“Tonight you must stay in your own bed,” said daddy balloon crossly because it had been months since he had frolicked with his missus in bed.

Baby balloon nodded miserably.

“No getting up in the night and getting into bed with us,” insisted daddy balloon.

That night, however, baby balloon couldn’t sleep. He waited until he was certain that his mummy and daddy were fast asleep, then baby balloon crept into their room and tried to squeeze into their bed.

Try as he might, he just couldn’t fit in the bed, so he undid the knot, at the bottom of his mummy, and let out a tiny amount of air. To his dismay, he still couldn’t fit in the bed. He crept round to his daddy’s side of the bed, undid his daddy’s knot and let out a small amount of air. Again, he tried to squeeze in to the bed but still couldn’t quite fit. So he undid himself and let out a small amount of air. Then, he fitted in nice and snuggly, and fell sound asleep.

When his dad woke up, he was furious!
“Get into your own room at once and think of what you have done young man!”he shouted.
“I am incredibly disappointed in you! Not only have you let me down, and your mother down, but you’ve let yourself down too!”

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An old man gets on a crowded bus and no one gives him a seat. As the bus shakes and rattles, the old man’s cane slips on the floor and he falls.

As he gets up, a seven-year-old kid, sitting nearby, turns to him and says, “If you put a little rubber thingy on the end of your stick, it wouldn’t slip.”

The old man snaps back, “Well, if your daddy did the same thing seven years ago, I would have a seat today.”

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While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn’t miss them until they had been driving for about forty minutes.

By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.

All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained, and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn’t let up for a single minute.

To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her,
“While you’re in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card ?”

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Have a great weekend!