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IMG_0870Could you do with a laugh before the weekend? Then you have come to the right place. Here’s this week’s collection of jokes. Hope you find something to make you chuckle.

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Bob pulled up a stool at his favourite bar and announced: “My wife Diane must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!”

“What makes you say that?” the bartender inquired.

“Last week,” Bob explained, “I had to take a couple of sick days from work. Diane was so thrilled to have me around that every time the milkman and the postman came by, she’d run down the driveway, waving her arms and yelling, ‘My husband’s home! My husband’s home!'”

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A couple is celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary and their 60th birthdays on the same day.

During the celebration, a fairy godmother appears and says that because they’ve been such a loving couple all those years, she will give them one wish each.

The wife says she wants to travel around the world. The fairy waves her wand, and boom! The woman has a wad of tickets in her hand.

Next, it is the husband’s turn. He pauses for a moment, then says shyly: “Well, I’d like to have a woman 30 years younger then me.”

The fairy picks up her wand, and boom! He’s 90.

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Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, “I’ve lost my electron.”
“Are you sure?”
The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive…”

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A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says, “Sorry we don’t serve food in here.”

And finally, please feel free to blow raspberries at these or groan loudly:

What do cats call mice on skateboards?

Meals on Wheels.

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How does a flea get from place to place?

By itch-hiking.

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What do you get if you cross a black cat with a lemon?

A sour puss!

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What do you call four blondes at a 4 way stop?

Infinity

Shout out and thanks to Barbara Brannon White AKA Bouncin’ Barb for her contribution to this week’s jokes. If you would like to share a funny one with us and have a mention here, let me know by sending me an email to author@carolewyer.co.uk or catch me on Facebook.

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