Frank Carson, born in Belfast, was famous for his witty one-liners and his catchphrases “It’s a cracker” and “It’s the way I tell ’em”. He passed away last year at the age of eighty-five. Today, I thought I’d share ten of his best-loved jokes. (Yes, I know it is St David’s day but I didn’t know any Welsh jokes!) Hope they make you smile.
1. There was an Irish space program to go to the sun. They went at night so they didn’t get burnt.
2. Paddy is woken in the middle of the night by a phone call. The caller says: ‘Is that Dublin 22 33 22?’ Paddy says,:’No it’s Dublin 223 322!’ The caller apologises for waking him in the middle of the night, Paddy says: ‘Oh it’s all right I had to get up to answer the phone anyhow!’
3. A man walks into a pet shop and says: “Give me a wasp.” The shopkeeper replies: “We don’t sell wasps.” He says: “There’s one in the window.”
4. A man goes into Boots and says: “Have you got any Viagra?” “Do you have a prescription?” asks the chemist. “No,” he replies, “But ‘I’ve got a photograph of the wife.”
5. A man walks into a hospital feeling unwell and the doctor says: “Sorry, you?ve only got three minutes to live.” The man said: “Can you do something for me?” “Yes,” he said. “I’ll boil you an egg.”
6. I rang British Telecom. I said: “I want to report a nuisance caller.” The voice on the other end said: “Not you again.”
7. A man says to the doctor: “What’s the good news?” “You’ve got 24 hours to live.” He says: “What’s the bad news?” The doctor says: “We should have told you yesterday.”
8. I come from a family of musicians. Even the sewing machine is a Singer.
9. Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: “Have a drink on me.” The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.
10. An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The barman looks at them and says: “Is this some kind of a joke?”
Please send me an email if you have any jokes that you would like me to feature on this blog. Send them to firstname.lastname@example.org
Enjoy your weekend. Remember, “he who laughs…lasts!”