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The weekend is almost here and here are a couple of jokes to bring a smile to your face, as if having a weekend off, doing last minute Christmas shopping in bustling crowds wasn’t already something to smile about.

If you have a good joke you’d like to share with us and would also like to have a mention here, please send it to: author@carolewyer.co.uk

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An elderly gentleman was telling his friend about a new restaurant

he and his wife recently visited.

“The food and service were great!” he said.

His friend asked, “What’s the name of the place?”

“Gee, I don’t remember,” he said. “What do you call the long
stemmed flower people give on special occasions?”

“You mean a rose?” asked his friend.

“That’s it!” he exclaimed and turning to his wife, asked,
“Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to the other day?”

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A man was driving around the back lanes of Staffordshire and saw a sign in front of a run down old farmhouse: “Talking Dog For Sale”. He rang the bell. The owner appeared and told him that the dog was in the back yard.

The man went into the back yard and saw a nice-looking Labrador sitting there.

“You talk?” he asked.

“Yep,” the Lab replied.

After the chap recovered from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he asked, “So, what’s your story?”

The Lab looked up and said, “Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told MI5. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.”

“I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.”

“I got married, had a couple of litters of puppies, and now I’m just retired.”

The man was amazed. He went back in and asked the owner what he wanted for the dog.

“Ten pounds,” the owner replied.

”Ten pounds? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?”

“Because he’s a liar. He’s never been out of the yard!”

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